What Malik Does When He's Bored
by Phantom-wolf925
Summary: It's winter vacation, and the ygo gang is bored out of their minds with nothing to do. Jou decides to throw a New Year's party. Things start to get wild...
1. Default Chapter

What Malik Does When He's Bored  
  
Silver Wolf: Some things were mentioned in 'This Is Beginning To Look Like Malik Again', remember? Like Kaiba at the New Year's Party in his Blue Eyes White Dragon Boxers, and Yugi's first drink...funny stuff like that.  
  
Malik: *cough* If you can CALL it funny.  
  
Silver: Shut up, you...  
  
Anyway, I'll try not to confuse you. This fic's setting is sometime after Battle City. Like, maybe a month or more. So they're still teens. ^^; And it's winter vacation for everyone. Malik's friends with Yugi and his gang now, and so is Mokuba, so his brother is a little more friendly. Note the LITTLE more. So this fic is about all the stupid, foolish, idiotic, yet amusing things Malik does when he's bored. Also note that this usually involves embarrassing others and causing a hell of a mess. I have nothing more to say, so on with the fic!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Honestly, I'd have better things to do if I did. Okay, not really. Writing fanfiction is too fun. ^^;  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 1: Winter Vacation  
  
Malik sat in his house, staring out the frosted window. He watched the tiny white flakes floating in the cold frosty air, falling down from a dark blue gray sky in large numbers. They fell so gently, just floating down from the sky like small white feathers falling from the heavens. they all created a white blanket over the ground and turned lakes into crystal clear ice. So nice in the winter beauty...  
  
'Damn the snow.' Malik thought.  
  
He hated it. He hated snow like...like he hates things. He couldn't go outside and play pranks on people. He couldn't try to take over the world, or accomplish anything inside his house. And it was boring inside the house.  
  
He'd beaten all his video games at least twice already, watched boring TV talk shows and laughed at how stupid little kid's cartoons could get these days. Really, a show about a blue dog and his foolish owner's brother that play some stupid game following completely obvious clues to find out what the hell they wanted to do that day, and a singing mailbox. How astonishingly stupid they were. He laughed. And laughed. He went insane laughing for about five minutes.  
  
And then he heard his sister scream.  
  
"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!" she screeched. Malik heard the evil cackle of his yami. Damned pervert.  
  
Malik turned to look back over the couch at the stairs where the racket was coming from. Isis screamed again.  
  
"GIVE ME MY BRA BACK YAMI MALIK!!! THAT'S NOT TO PLAY WITH! GIVE IT BACK!"  
  
"Ha ha ha! Never!"  
  
"MALIK GET UP HERE AND CONTROL YOUR YAMI!!!"  
  
"Let me go outside!" Malik yelled back. Isis had just gotten out of the shower and she wouldn't allow Malik to go outside because his yami caused too much trouble in the house. Like he was now.  
  
"FINE!!! TAKE THIS WITH YOU!!!"  
  
The next thing that happened was this:  
  
Yami Malik flew down the stairs. Not like he ran down the steps. He literally flew through the air above the stairs and hit the bottom steps painfully on his ass.  
  
Isis whipped back in her room, slamming the door behind her.  
  
Malik looked at his yami, crumpled on the stairs with Isis's bra on his head and wearing a perverted grin.  
  
"Did she just THROW you?" Malik asked incredulously.  
  
"Yeah. She forgot this." He took the pink bra off his head and stared at it, pondering over what to do with it. He laughed again.  
  
"DON'T get any ideas." Malik threatened.  
  
"Damn."  
  
"Come on, we're going outside."  
  
"Outside? Why?"  
  
"I want to see Yami Bakura. And if we're lucky, maybe we'll see the pharaoh on the way."  
  
"Can I kill him?"  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"YES!"  
  
And so Malik grabbed a jacket and walked outside. Yami Malik tried to do likewise.  
  
"It's cold... It's cold... It's cold..."  
  
Malik continued saying the same words over and over to no one in particular. His yami wasn't listening. He was, instead, staring at the rabbits in the bushes with a hungry look in his eyes that said 'I'm having rabbit soup tonight.'  
  
Every step Malik and his yami took their feet sunk deep in the snow, past their ankles. Malik was doing something he'd never done before. He was wearing moccasin boots.  
  
Why this was unusual was because he had complained to his sister about the boots when he had to go shopping for winter clothing with her. Instead, he found he liked them very much. They really kept his feet warm and didn't hurt after a long day's walk. He hoped no one would rub it in his face now, he had made such a big scene about it. The strange thing is, the moment you think of something you DON'T want to happen, it happens that very second. And so, his yami rubbed it in his face.  
  
"I thought you said you hated those-"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"-and Isis-"  
  
"I said, shut up."  
  
Yami Malik spotted someone walking toward them.  
  
"Hey, there's your b*tch-"  
  
SMACK!  
  
Malik had hit his yami on the head with his trusty millennium rod he never went anywhere without. Yami Bakura walked over to the two Maliks. He smiled as he watched Malik rage at his yami.  
  
"LEARN TO HAVE RESPECT FOR OTHERS! HE'S NOT MY B*TCH!!!"  
  
Yami Bakura watched amused as Malik smacked his yami over the head with the rod. "YOU BASTARD!!!" Malik snarled.  
  
Yami Bakura decided to step in.  
  
"Are you going to beat the sh*t out of your yami, or are we going to have some fun?"  
  
"I'M the one beating the sh*t out of HIM, mind you!" Yami Malik yelled. This was, in fact, true. Yami Malik was strangling Malik, and doing a good job of it. "DIIIIIIEEEEE!!!" he shouted at his other.  
  
"Yami Malik..." Bakura warned. He didn't listen. Yami Bakura punched Yami Malik swiftly in the stomach. He fell and ate a mouthful of snow.  
  
"Hey, it tastes like water." he said.  
  
"Dipsh*t." Malik stated simply.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Meanwhile, Yugi and his friends were having a snowball fight. The first team was Jonouchi and Ryou Bakura. The second team, hiding behind a snow fort, was Anzu, Honda, and Yugi.  
  
Yugi's team fired snowballs rapidly. Ryou was hit in the face with one snowball while the another landed in his hair. He shook his head to free his white hair of the snow when he should have instead ducked behind the car half covered in snow he and Jonouchi used as a shield against the barrage of snowballs. Ryou was hit with two more snowballs before he learned to duck. He looked at Jonouchi and the blonde smiled in return.  
  
"On three." Jou whispered. He reached behind him at the pile of snowballs and took a fairly large one. Jonouchi counted off his fingers, gave Ryou the signal, and the other team was caught off guard and half buried in snow before they could defend themselves.  
  
Jonouchi threw the huge snowball at what he thought to be Yugi away form the protection of his fort. The guy turned out to be Yami Malik, and it was too late. Splat, the snowball hit the back of his head.  
  
The cold snow slid down Yami Malik's neck and slipped down his shirt. He cried out as he felt the sudden icy cold on his back. The next thing Malik knew, his yami had him pinned to the frozen pond he and Yami Bakura had been walking on seconds before. Malik felt hard hands enclose around his throat as his yami tried to choke the life out of him the second time this morning. Malik's eyes widened when he heard a sudden crack.  
  
This crack was followed by several more cricks and cracks. Malik struggled to get up and failed. He struggled to speak and failed. At the last second, Yami Bakura leaped clear off the breaking ice and landed in the soft snow. The ice gave way to Malik and his yami's weight and broke. Malik and Yami Malik plummeted into the ice cold water with a splash.  
  
The breath left Malik with the suddenness of freezing cold water rushing over his head. Yami Malik screamed at Malik and everyone around him. He cussed them all out before he realized he couldn't swim and started drowning. Yami Malik grabbed the hood of Malik's jacket in an attempt to keep from drowning and almost pulled Malik under with him. Malik in turn, grabbed the edge of the broken ice and heard more cracks.  
  
Why today? Why was today such an awful day? This water was ?%#@ing freezing. Malik panicked as the ice began to break away beneath his fingers.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
So, first chapter done. Ooh, this fic will be fun. :D  
  
Happy birthday to my mom! (April 5) Won't say how old she is, just that she's in her 30's. ^^;  
  
Still working on 'The Darkness Within'. I'll have that posted sometime on spring break, probably. How ironic I'm writing a winter fic in the summer. Ha. Akei would laugh at that.  
  
I want to draw some pics for this chapter, too. ^_^ See my bio for a link.  
  
Read and review, and no flames please!  
  
*~Malik's silver wolf  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	2. Pick pocketing and a fight at DQ

What Malik Does When He's Bored  
  
Chapter 2  
  
"Malik!" Yami Bakura cried. He ran out onto the ice, slipped, and fell. Yami Bakura stood and started again toward the hole in the ice where Malik struggled not to drown. This proved difficult as his yami was pulling him to hold on. Yami Malik was such a nuisance to his hikari. Yami Bakura's feet slid out from beneath him and he fell a second time. He inched his way over to the hole, sliding on his stomach.  
  
"Yami Malik, stop struggling! You're not helping matters at all." Yami Bakura growled at the blonde Egyptian yami.  
  
Yami Malik either didn't hear or didn't care to listen. Yami Bakura rolled his eyes as Yami Malik screamed helplessly. "I'm drowning, I'm drowning! I can't swim! Helllp mee!"  
  
"If you stopped moving around..."  
  
"It's hopeless." Malik said. "GET ME OUT OF HERE!"  
  
Yami Bakura reached his hand out to Malik. Malik reached a shaking hand out and grasped Yami Bakura's hand. Yami Bakura stood up carefully. He pulled Malik out of the ice cold water. Malik walked carefully to the edge of the pond and sat down in the snow, shivering. Yami Bakura turned to Yami Malik, drowning in the water.  
  
"Stop thrashing about like a retarded fish!" Yami Bakura yelled.  
  
"Like a- what?"  
  
There. At least he stopped thrashing. The white haired thief grabbed Yami Malik's jacket sleeve and heaved him out of the water. Yami Bakura fell to his knees, panting.  
  
"Yami Malik...?" he breathed.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Are you...all right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Good." he said, standing up. "BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT TO STOP EATING SO MANY RA- DAMNED DONUTS!!!"  
  
"Yeah, well you weren't too quick to rescue me, either! Leave me half frozen before yelling at me! Oh, THEN you finally pull me out!" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"At least I pulled you OUT!" "You could have been faster! Spending all that time helping your little boyfriend over there!" Yami Malik gestured to Malik shivering in the snow.  
  
"BOYFRIEND?!?! WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"  
  
"YEAH, I KNOW YOU TWO- "  
  
Splash.  
  
Angry, Bakura shoved Yami Malik back in the hole in the ice and stormed off.  
  
Jonouchi, Yugi, Ryou, Honda, and Anzu stood watching behind their snow forts.  
  
"That's da weirdest t'ing I ever saw." Jou said.  
  
"OH GOD, MY YAMI'S GAY!!!" Ryou cried.  
  
"Malik, I thought I was your btch!" Anzu said, with tears streaming down her face.  
  
"I stand corrected." Jou stared at Anzu, who had sunk to her knees in the snow, and buried her tear stained face in her hands, sobbing loudly.  
  
"AND HE GOES OUT WITH A FRIENDSHIP FREAK!!!" Bakura cried. "Oh, what has this world come to?" He then cried on a bewildered Jonouchi's shoulder.  
  
"What's going on?" Honda said with a blank look on his face.  
  
"Am I the only one that's not cryin' here?" Jonouchi said.  
  
"I'm not." Yugi said.  
  
"Yeah, but who cares about you?" Honda said.  
  
"NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME! I'M ALL ALONE! WAAAAAAH!" Yugi sobbed too. "I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!" Yugi cried before he jumped to his feet and ran off to supposedly attempt to commit suicide. Again.  
  
"Damnit! That's the fifth time this week!" Honda growled, chasing after Yugi.  
  
"What a weird day." Malik sighed. "I came out here for this?"  
  
"HELLLLPPP MEEEEEEE!!! I CAN'T SWIM!!!" Yami Malik screamed from the pond.  
  
Yami Bakura and Malik walked down the busy street. The street was packed with cars, the sidewalk crowded with people shopping for Christmas presents. And people's pockets filled with money.  
  
Yami Bakura grinned.  
  
"Thief king, ready to have some fun?" Malik grinned at Bakura.  
  
But Bakura had already walked up to a lady struggling with several shopping bags.  
  
"Hello Miss...would you like some help?" he said, with a smile almost as sweet as his light side. He held an offering hand out to her.  
  
"Oh yes, that would be very kind of you."  
  
The lady opened the trunk of her car as Bakura took some of the bags from her. 'What a fool.' he thought. He quickly scanned the contents of the woman's bags when she looked away. 'Crap...crap...crap, crap...' Nothing of his interest. Hm...jewelry could be valuable...  
  
Yami Bakura bumped his millennium ring with his arm, so it swung on its rope and a beam of sunlight reflected off of it.  
  
"Oh, what a strange pendant you've got." the woman said, noticing the ring. "Can I see?"  
  
Yami Bakura grinned. He slipped the ring off his neck and handed it to the lady. As she looked it over, the thief slyly took an expensive looking necklace from the bag. Turning slowly, he put it in his pocket and smiled at the woman.  
  
"Wherever did you get such a necklace?" she looked up at him.  
  
"Egypt."  
  
"Well, it looks like you're all set...pleasure helping you." Yami Bakura shut the trunk.  
  
"Thank you, young man. Here's this back."  
  
The woman handed him his millennium ring. Bakura once again slipped it over his neck. He then walked off to his next target.  
  
Malik approached his victim carefully. Should he run into the guy? Or just sneak up behind him, wait for a distraction to come along, and grab his wallet? Oh, it was so much easier to use the millennium rod and make him fork his wallet over. But that was too easy. That wouldn't prove anything! He wanted to do it the hard way, like Yami Bakura.  
  
Malik decided on the second choice and followed the man carefully. Malik made sure the coast was clear. Then he closed in swiftly. He could see the wallet sticking out of the guy's back pocket. So easy!  
  
Malik reached in his pocket and grabbed the wallet. The man never noticed and kept walking. The Egyptian smirked. He walked silently in the opposite direction and turned a corner into an empty alleyway. He opened the wallet.  
  
"$500! Score!" Malik cried, with a yell of victory. Nothing else, though. No credit cards, no gift certificates...but $500! Awesome! "This is fun." Malik said to himself. He tossed the wallet and dropped the money in his own pocket. Walking up to another man, wandering aimlessly down the street, Malik bumped into him. "Oof! Watch where you're going, man!" He quickly slipped his hand in the guy's back pocket. No wallet.  
  
The man tried to move away the second Malik tried to reach in his pocket. "AGGHHHHH STOP GROPING MEEE!!!" the guy cried. Malik's cheeks flushed red. Embarrassed, he dashed away.  
  
Mokuba Kaiba stood staring at the menu. Too many different ice-cream to chose from.  
  
Seto Kaiba stood beside him, licking a chocolate ice-cream cone. His foot tapped impatiently. One of his favorite songs came on the radio. This calmed him down some. He tried to keep himself from exploding any minute. But his song was drowned out by the angry yells of customers behind him. A ridiculously long line of people went out the door of the Dairy Queen. Seto decided he needed a bathroom break and walked to the bathrooms. Along the way, he ran into Isis Ishtar. Literally.  
  
Smack.  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
"Take that, you asshole! HOW DARE YOU!!!"  
  
"OW!!"  
  
Isis hit Kaiba on the head with her purse repeatedly. The older Kaiba ducked, terrified.  
  
"DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!"  
  
"Isis! Isis, it's me, -smack- Kaiba! -smack- KAI-BA! And you're hurting me! -smack- Ow!"  
  
"ISIS!!!" Seto yelled loudly. Isis paused suddenly and blinked.  
  
"Oh. Hello Seto Kaiba. I thought you were someone else."  
  
Kaiba nearly fell over. Oo  
  
"What are you doing at Dairy Queen? Not a place I'd think you'd be..."  
  
"Yeah. Mokuba wanted ice-cream..."  
  
There was a five minute awkward silence between the two. Luckily, Mokuba came up and tugged his big brother's trench coat.  
  
"You decided what you want?" Kaiba said hopefully. Mokuba grinned.  
  
"Nah. I wanna go to Baskin Robbins." Seto's eyes popped.  
  
"..."  
  
"MOKUBAAAAAA!!!" Seto wailed. "You made me wait half an HOUR for you to chose an ice-cream! A line of people has formed OUT THE DOOR waiting for you- and why the hell they want ice-cream in the middle of winter, I don't know- but you had better chose something RIGHT NOW!!!!"  
  
"Awright...Hey, I'll have a chocolate cone-"Mokuba said to the cashier before stopping in mid sentence.  
  
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...."  
  
"I think he fell asleep." Seto mumbled.  
  
"Hey, you. Cashier dude." Mokuba prodded the cashier. "WAKE UP!!!!!"  
  
The cashier jumped. "May I take your order?" he said automatically like a record player. "Oh. You're still here?"  
  
"I'll have a large chocolate cone dipped, and could you put hot chocolate and crushed oreos on it? Oh, make that a waffle cone. And I want a cherry."  
  
"Whatever. That it?" he said dully.  
  
"Yup!"  
  
"$60.00."  
  
"WHAT THE-!!!" Seto Kaiba yelled. "HOW IN THE HELL CAN ANY ICE-CREAM BE SIXTY DOLLARS?!?!?!?"  
  
"Well, the ice-cream itself is $10..."  
  
"And the extra 50...?"  
  
"...is for making the customers waiting for over half an hour."  
  
"....."  
  
The cashier turned and prepared Mokuba's ice-cream cone. Seto's jaw dropped. How-? He felt a nudge in his shoulder and turned. Isis pointed to a sign that said "customers will be charged for making a line of other customers wait for over half an hour. NO EXCEPTIONS. Thank you, have a nice day."  
  
"Have a nice day, my ass..." the CEO grumbled.  
  
"$60." the cashier said.  
  
"No. I'm not paying it. That is the most ridiculous rule I've ever heard of. No." "Look, I'm just doing my job. You gonna pay, or what?"  
  
"HURRY UP!!! I'VE WAITED LONG ENOUGH!!!" some guy shouted from the line of people. Seto ignored him.  
  
"How about you just drop the charge and I'll take this." Seto said dangerously, leaning in and making a grab for the cone. The cashier pulled the ice-cream away.  
  
"MOVE YOUR ASS!!!" the random customer yelled. Seto ignored him.  
  
"Listen, that is the most idiotic thing I've heard of!" Seto grabbed at the cone again.  
  
"JUST PAY THE DAMN CHARGE!!!" the guy in line yelled.Seto ignored him.  
  
"Okay, give me the goddamn cone."  
  
"HAVE RESPECT FOR ALL OF US!!! WE'VE BEEN WAITING AND YOU STILL DON'T HURRY UP!!! WE ARE SICK OF WAITING!!!" Seto twitched.  
  
"YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"  
  
"Now, do you want to keep your job?"  
  
"Sir, you have no influence over-"  
  
"Oh yeah, I do." Kaiba then grabbed the stupid cashier's collar and pulled him forward. "DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?!?!?"  
  
"NO, AND I COULD CARE LESS!!" the man from the back shouted. "HURRY UP!!!"  
  
"I'M SETO KAIBA! I'M THE FREAKIN' CEO OF KAIBA CORP.!" Kaiba then pulled the cashier closer to him, so he was bending over the counter painfully. "Listen, and listen well! I can run down this Dairy Queen anytime I wanted...so I suggest you all shut the hell up and you- give my brother his ice-cream." This he said in a deadly quiet tone of voice. Everyone fell silent.  
  
The cashier smiled sheepishly. Kaiba flung him backward. He quickly handed Mokuba his ice-cream.  
  
"I'm not hungry anymore." Mokuba said.  
  
"..........Fine. Then I'll order something. Get me a banana split."  
  
"Can I have a cherry?" Mokuba said.  
  
"Yes. With a cherry."  
  
"Coming right up!" the cashier gave an unnatural happy happy smile as he whipped up a fresh banana split.  
  
"Plenty of hot chocolate. And whipped cream. Lots." Kaiba added.  
  
"Here you go! Free!" the cashier forced a nervous grin, sweating. Kaiba took the sundae. He gave Mokuba the cherry. Then he looked back at the cashier. "Please, come aga-"SPLAT!  
  
"Yeah, sure, I won't." Kaiba then pushed his way through the frightened crowd with Isis and Mokuba, leaving behind a whipped cream, ice-cream, and hot chocolate covered cashier. Squashed bananas oozed down from his hair. He grinned stupidly after Kaiba, who replied with a rude hand gesture.  
  
"Come on Isis. Let's go to Baskin Robins."  
  
The three walked away into the freezing snow.  
  
I think I'll stop here.  
  
I'm glad you guys like this story!   
  
Heh heh...but be warned. It's all coming from MY head. XD AND, that's not to mention I'm writing it in the middle of the night. It's already past 11:30! But, I suppose the best ideas come to ya in the middle of the night when you're in bed, not thinkin of anything...if not, in a dream. Weird, huh? (Sugar and caffeine help, too. :P )  
  
Oh, and can someone tell me why when I use italics or bold, it doesn't show up on ff.net? I can't figure out how to do it!  
  
I have quite a few hilarious ideas for this fic...but it might get weird. ;;;; This story is plot-less! I love it! rofl  
  
R & R!  
  
White wolf Bakura 


End file.
